Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Oh No! ...Oh Yes.

I saw 'em.  With my own eyes.  Yep.

Stretchmarks.  Even though I've been lathering up with creams and goops and oils and lotions.  Mr. F. walked into the bathroom to witness my poochy lip and asked what was up.  I showed him.  And he said, "Love marks!!"

Me: What?
He:  Love marks.
Me:  No.  Stretch marks. {with my lip still sticking out in the old elocution way}
He:  No, love marks--they show how much you love us because you are sacrificing your body for our family!  They are beautiful!
Me:  No, they aren't.
He:  um... well... At least we live in an age of technology, so if you wanted to you could have them lasered away.
Me:  I don't like that response AT ALL.
He:  Ok.  I've told you they are beautiful.  And you didn't like that.  I've told you they could go away, and you don't like that.  What do you want me to say?
Me:  I don't want you to say anything!  I don't want them here in the first place.
He:  {walks away}


I know I was being a brat {you're probably thinking another b-word}.  Even in the moment, I knew it.  And vain.  It's just so hard to wrap my head around this idea of sacrificing myself for another.  Marriage--and motherhood--will teach me, if I let them.  Living on my own, I never recognized so many opportunities to be selfless.  Opportunities for vanity or selfishness to surface in me, and choose the better rather than the base.  But, over and over again in marriage and as I grow into motherhood, these moments present themselves.  And I'm so thankful to have such a kind and gracious husband who is patient enough to wait for me to come around.

And I hope that this new year with every new moment, I choose the better.  I hope to choose love and grace and goodness rather than myself and vanity and unkindness.

A friend and I were hunting for a theme for this year.  Something to encapsulate getting rid of indecision, the possibility that this year could really be the end of the world, and the urgency to live in the moment.  And here's what we got:

THIS IS IT: Commit to give back to my community somehow.
THIS IS IT:  Drop vanity and pick up beauty.
(Vanity's only skin deep.  Beauty's to the soul.)
THIS IS IT:  Learn to take better pictures.
(You're having a baby for crying out loud.)
THIS IS IT:  Finish those diapers you've been making.
THIS IS IT:  Love the people in your path 
with every word and action.  
Every day.
THIS IS IT:  Live like only certain things are eternal.